Got New Year’s goals? Here’s how to make them stick.
We say it every year. This is the year we are going to get our life on track, we are going to lose weight, do the workout plan, find a new job, start back school, move, or various other life changes so many of us chase year after year. We can’t help but believe it because who doesn’t love a fresh start? Not to mention, there is no shortage of people out there readily waiting to sell you the journal, planner, calendar, or program that is going to get your life where you want it. Where do we go wrong? Why do we look back at our year in December in frustration that we couldn’t accomplish what we wanted? The lengthy, drawn-out answer has a lot to do with human behavior, how we learn, how habits are formed, thought processes, and much more. I’ll spare you the thesis but the good news is that there are things we can do about it to change the behavior we are unhappy with and create a life we are happy with.
My number one recommendation for accomplishing a New Year resolution? Don’t set one. The reason I say that is because January 1 has no inherent power over our ability to change. There isn’t a portal that we enter for long-lasting change if we start that change in January, or on a Monday or the first of the month. Change is normal to want and indicative of a healthy thought process but make sure that you’re not placing your entire self-worth or image or her ability to pass or fail your own change. However, if you aren’t taking my original advice, here’s what I would actually suggest:
Ask yourself why you want the change you’re preparing for. A lot of times we make changes because it seems like the “right” change to want or we grew up watching our loved ones wanting similar changes. If I ask you, “Why do you want to lose weight?” or “Why do you want to go back to school?” and your answers don’t go far past, “I don’t know, it’s the right thing to do” or “My family did it, I should too” or “I just think things will be better then.” I’ll go ahead and spoil it for you that any change you make won’t be meaningful. When you sit down to make a list of changes you want this year I want you to really ask yourself why you want those changes. You may find that you don’t want them at all, rather, you’re chasing a sense of happiness, comfort, or achievement that isn’t rooted in the changes you’re after.
Start in February and on a Tuesday. Again, another partial joke but take the pressure off yourself of a hard launch date. A lot of us envision beginning change at the beginning of the year, month, and week and we don’t really allow for life or practice of those desired behaviors before we decide “This is my life now.” Maybe set aside some time in January to take some behaviors for a trial run for 2-3 days in a row. Allow for some of the post-holiday blues to subside before putting our minds and bodies through more stress. Ask yourself, “What were some barriers I ran into?” “How did I feel when I was engaging in those behaviors?” “Where did my mind go when I wanted to give up?” This is a wonderful time to learn things about yourself without the pressure of 100% compliance.
Speaking of 100% compliance, challenge your idea of consistency. I’m not sure where this concept came from or who started it but our society’s idea of consistency is a mixture between Monday-Friday or every day of the week. However, when life happens and we miss those days, we tell ourselves we blew it and to not even try again until Monday. I invite you to explore a more meaningful sense of consistency. Over the span of 6-months your goal should be choosing that change more often than not, identifying barriers to the change you want and overcoming them, learning what motivates you and what makes you feel defeated, and creating a life that facilitates change instead of forcing change into a life that doesn’t have space for it.
Make the desired change your whole personality for a bit. If you talk about your change, the steps you’re taking, the feedback you’re getting from the world, and the struggles you’re running into, you’re more likely to view this as accountability and motivation to keep going. A lot of us are self-conscious about talking about something we are excited about too much out of fear of annoying our loved ones or failing and having others witness that failure. The truth is that the right people are going to want to hear your updates, excitement, and troubleshooting of hard things in your life. They want to be happy with you and share in your ability to make your life better for yourself. Additionally, vulnerability is one of the hardest things we will engage in within our lifetime. Trusting yourself and others to share in your hopes and dreams is way easier said than done. The right people are going to root for your happiness whether you achieve the change you were originally after or if you learn about yourself that your priorities are elsewhere.
Want to talk more about exploring your priorities, tools to make change, and your thoughts on your future? Check out my website to set up a free 15-minute consultation to see how we can make it happen!
Stephanie Townsend, LMSW, CCTP, ART Practitioner
